Marriage or any type of devoted, long-term partnership takes work. If you get bored in your marriage, it simply means that getting together was the pinnacle of your relationship and you’re all set up. You no longer have to do the work because you’re married now, and you have a kid or two. Unfortunately, if you don’t invest and nurture your relationship, build intimacy and practice it often, your marriage will inevitably become a routine. If you want to refresh your marriage and strengthen intimacy, try our tips.
Back to the basics
Go back to the things you used to do together like going on dates and having fun together. Remember which activities were exciting before and which made you feel great and repeat those things together. This is about relieving those emotions and finding joy in things you did together.
Try marriage counselling
The best word of advice would be to go to a marriage therapist before there’s a perceived problem in the relationship. A psychotherapist can assist you in overcoming marriage dissatisfaction in a healthy way. Maybe you just need to communicate more effectively or make room for intimacy in your busy schedule. A neutral person can assist you and help you commit to making things better in your relationship.
Work on yourself
Expecting other people to read your mind, keep you entertained, put your needs first or meet all your expectations will only lead to disappointment and put your marriage on false legs. One of you will wake up and decide that this is no longer it. So, take the responsibility for your inner world by working on yourself. Work on yourself individually so that you can bring your best self to the relationship and take responsibility for your own needs.
Communicate your needs
When you start working on yourself, you’ll be more conscious of your needs. It can be more quality time together, more sex, help with the chores, more time away from each other, time for your interests away from the kids, more help with the kids and so on. Both of you will learn what your needs are and how both of you can make an effort to fulfil those needs. Also, if you cannot meet one of your partner’s needs, you’ll know how to communicate efficiently and together find a compromise that works for both of you.
Spice things up a bit
If your intimacy became like the greatest hits album, you know which song comes next, you know all the lyrics, and it’s time to spice things up. Bring fantasy into your bedroom and see what happens. If your partner’s fantasy is to go to one of Melbourne brothels on your trip to Australia and tell you all about it afterwards, give it a try. Or, you can go to a sex shop together, and each one of you can pick a toy. Intimacy built through physical connection strengthens the relationship, deepens the connection and keeps the spark alive.
Stop with the criticism
According to the Gothman Institute, criticism is one of the relationship behaviours that might lead to divorce. Criticism builds contempt, which further leads to unhappiness, and dissatisfaction and you can guess the result. So, try to avoid criticism at all costs and try to rephrase it into I statements. For example, change You never find time for me into I feel like you find more joy in spending time with other people than with me. This way you’re less critical and you’re expressing your own feelings so that you can discuss spending more quality time together.
Go on dates again
Rekindle the romance again by going on regular dates. Schedule dates together, try new things, and new places, have funny banter before the date, and maybe even share some hot pics to build the excitement. You can even arrive separately at the location and act like you’ve never met before and you’re both strangers for the night.
Kind words, words of affirmation, touch, acts of service, and shared gifts, can all be ways to share affection. All of the things we just mentioned can be like stepping stones to a better version of your marriage. Remember, marriage requires constant work and affection is one of the ways to do the work.
Marriage or long-term relationships cannot be smooth sailing all the time. But, that is normal. All you need to do to get out of a rut is to do the work on your own and practice these tips.